The one where I'm feeling completely out of my depth...

Remember earlier this month I was sick? And I was all relieved that the Little Dude seemed to escape it other than one brief sicky incident & a few dodgy nappies? Well. I jinxed that good & proper.
My little man now officially has the lurgy that's been doing the rounds, and it is horrible.
He's been struggling to keep anything other than water & toast down since Friday, and is feeling very sorry for himself.

I was getting a bit fraught by yesterday lunchtime (read: a lot fraught. A big blubbery overtired mess actually - all panicky he'd start losing weight & end up back in hospital like when he was only a week old, generally feeling totally useless & like the worst mummy ever.), so called NHS direct (after getting no answer from my health visitor or GP - clearly babies just aren't supposed to be poorly on Saturdays - sorry 'bout that.) and spoke to a lovely nurse who calmed me down & said that as long as he's getting plenty of fluids, a few days off his food won't do too much harm.

I don't think that nurse will ever know how grateful I was for that call. I was in such a state, feeling like a crappy mummy, and in just a few minutes, she chilled me out & made me feel a million times better. She probably put the phone down thinking 'ah bless, first time mummy dealing with her first tummy bug - she best toughen up quick!'
And although I did have a slight mini-meltdown when the Daddy got home from work, I think that was more from sheer relief at having some help & a chance to close my eyes for 10 minutes.

It's times like this that make me realise just how much I still have to learn.
And remind me that I am completely responsible for taking care of my little man - that he's completely dependant on me come rain or shine.
And to be completely honest, it sometimes scares the bejeesus out of me.
Things will be ticking along nicely, I'll get comfortable - maybe even let myself think actually, I'm pretty good at this, and bang - something new comes along to remind me I'm still a complete novice.

Today, the Little Dude's much the same - a bit more cheerful when he's awake, but still sleeping a lot. No sickness in the night, so I tried giving him a bottle for breakfast - that was a mistake, but there are wet nappies, and he's still drinking lots of water & munching down his toast, so that's encouraging. And I managed some sleep, so have a slightly less neurotic-first-time-muimmy head on, and am feeling a bit less useless and overwhelmed by it all.

Still, fingers crossed he'll be better tomorrow - I miss my happy smiley little monster.

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This time last year...

This year, in her world famous* writing workshop, amongst other things, Josie asks us "What were you doing this time last year".  Well, let's see...

This time last year, I was very very pregnant. (The LD was due 10th April. He actually made an appearance on the 20th- longest 10 days of life!).
I was lucky, in that I had a 'nice little bump', or so people kept telling me.  Personally, I felt like a freakin' whale, and by this time last year, I was perpetually exhausted. (No change there then.)

This time last year, I was getting ready to finish up at work.  I was neurotically making lists and cheat sheets and post it note after post it note of helpful tit-bits for my replacement.  I hated the idea of handing over my responsibilities & my execs & all their little quirks.  I truly did have every intention of going back.

This time last year, I spent most weekends shopping with the Mr, picking out teeny tiny little babygrows and hats and sleepsuits. Every purchase brought squees of 'loooook, it's SO lickle!!'.  Never got old.

This time last year I was reading about my pregnancy a lot.  I got almost obsessive about knowing how big my baby was getting in relation to fruit & vegetables. (16 weeks, about the same as an avocado - 27 weeks - a head of cauliflower.)  I blame the hormones.

This time last year, I needed help to remove myself from the sofa.  And God help me if I tried to sit on the floor.

This time last year, I spent a lot of time convincing myself that labour couldn't be that bad. Could it? (Yes, it could, you deluded fool.)

This time last year, I had no idea how to change a nappy.

This time last year, I had no idea just how little sleep a human being can survive on.

This time last year, I'd never even heard the word Tombliboo, much less knew what one was.

This time last year, I hadn't even met the little monster who now simultaneously rules my life, and makes it feel complete.

What a difference a year makes.

How about you?  What were you up to this time last year?


...don't forget to take a reip to the shiny new-look Sleep is for the Weak & show the other entries some love- there's always a whole bunch of good stuff to read.

(*The world being that of a select group of Mummy Bloggers who think it's cool. Which is good enough for me!)

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The surrealism of Motherhood...

The very lovely Carly over at Wives & Daughters, is holding a fantastic carnival, with a bunch of great prizes up for grabs, all about people's top 10 surreal mummy moments. To be perfectly honest, as a first time mummy, everything is still a bit surreal most days (even now, nearly 10 months on!), but I've narrowed it down, and here's my top ten...

1. Laying in the bath at 8 months pregnant (having had help from the Mr to get in there in the first place), watching my bump literally wriggling - less movement in the last trimester? Yeah.  Tell that to the Little Dude.

2. Coming round after my emergency c-section to see the Mr looking like an extra from Scrubs, with a tiny little baby in his arms and me asking 'is he ours?'.  (He was.)

3. Day 3 - 4am feed - having been awake for about 26 hours, I was sat with the Little Dude breastfeeding and me watching god-awful infomercials, thinking who on earth watches this junk let alone buys it? And then thinking, ooh, actually, that looks pretty good...

4. The first time I phoned the doctors to book LD an appointment (for his first round of jabs).  Saying the words 'I'd like to book an appointment for my son', out loud, to a complete stranger - suddenly made everything very real, and a bit odd.  In a good way.

5. The first time we left him with someone else for a whole day.  We had tickets to see Blur in Hyde Park, I had been looking forward to it forEVER, but spent all day feling like I'd lost a limb.  So surreal.  And just when I managed to stop being a big sap, and start to relax & enjoy myself, I found a small felt fish in my bag which nearly made me blub.

6. The first time the LD rolled over and pushed himself up.  I squealed.  I cheered. I took a dozen photos. I phoned the Mr at work and gushed incoherently. I so wasn't prepared for that insane rush of pride & joy over something so small!

7. Having cBeebies tunes ingrained in my brain.  We don't even watch much TV (LD prefers to rock out to music of the loud & noisy variety), but I have lost count of the times I've caught myself singing the 'munch munch munch' song while getting lunch ready.

8. What has become affectionately known in our house as 'the Tombliboo incident.' 
We were Christmas shopping, and came across some cute lil Night Garden Beanies - I picked out one of each, but oh no - there was no Tombliboo Eee! I stood, in a very busy shop, with an armful of Night Garden beanies, and shouted to the Mr 'Babe, can you ask if they've got anymore Tombliboo Eee's - because there's no point in buying them if we can't get a full set of Tombliboos!'  Oh. The. Shame.

9. Other Mummys.  I still find it quite surreal that I can start a conversation & chat for hours with a complete stranger purely on the basis that we're both mummys.  Those tiny little people who rule our lives are quite the ice-breaker, no?

10. The mush factor.  The first gummy grin.  The consequent toothy smiles.  The tinkly baby chuckles.  The chubby armed cuddeles.  The 'kisses' (ie: open mouth, plant on mummy's face with a hefty portion of dribble).  I had no idea the power those little things would have to turn me to a complete mushy mess of goo.
Love it though :)

And there we are.
Ask me again next week & I'll probably have chalked up a whole bunch of new surreal moments. But that's all part of the fun of being a mummy.

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Awww. We've all been there.

The Little Monster & I nipped into Co-op earlier on our way back from the post office - to grab some milk, an apple for the Little Dude & certainly not a packet of Rich Tea Cream Fingers for me. Oh no.
(Foxes, need a biscuit connoisseur to do you a super blog review? I'm all over it.)

Anyway, we were stood behind a man, about the same age as my Mr, who I'd guess, on a good day, would be quite attractive. Today wasn't a good day though. His clothes were crumpled, his stubble was way past the point of being designer, he had major bedhead going on, and his blood-shot eyes were like two holes in a bewildered looking head.

Then I saw what he was paying for & it all became clear.

A pack of teeny tiny newborn nappies.

Awww.
I wanted to give him a big cuddle & tell him it gets better, but the Little Dude & his new found grab-things-from-comfort-of-stroller skills were working on toppling a precariously high tower of Digestives, so I decided against it.
Hopefully he'll get a few hours sleep at some point in the next few weeks :)

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Where's the pause button please?

It's been TWO weeks since I blogged. Where on earth has that gone?  It's not that I've got nothing to say, not at all, almost daily I think 'ooh, I could do a post about...', and I've actually even taken to geekishly scribbling ideas down sometimes (s'what proper writers do, apparently), it's just that I simply haven't had time to sit at the laptop long enough or with enough brain power to actually formulate thoughts and sentences.  Even my beloved twitter has been neglected - that my friends, is the sign of a busy mummy!

And I shouldn't complain, because aside from a few really gruesome teething days, it's generally good stuff keeping me busy ( like my shiney new Xplory!! {whole 'nother post in the making}, Christmassy planning, lots of coffee dates, a couple of nights out with the daddy, meeting up with Bec & Kelly & their boys for festive fun, putting up the Christmas tree today... allsorts of goodies), but the last couple of weeks really have left me feeling like I need a time out. A day or two to myself to just chill out & catch up with the seven million and three things that need my attention. And before you all shout Duh! You're a mum now, never gonna happen! I do know it's not - but wouldn't it be nice if life did come with a pause button?

Everything could just stop. Just for a while. Long enough to drink a hot cup of tea without having to change a nappy, or dispense teething aids, or run interference between increasingly mobile baby & dog bowl. Just enough time to actually cross a few things off the perpetual to-do list and remember that smug feeling of accomplishment.  Wouldn't that be brilliant?

But of course, in real life, we just have to keep going.  And going. And I know this all sounds a bit whiney, and it really wasn't supposed to, but I guess it's the sleep deprived tiredness taking it's toll, and the niggly stupid cold/cough deelie that's been bugging me for far too long now. I just feel all a bit run down and overwhelmed. I've lost my neurotic mojo. I'm disorganised & nowhere near on top of things. And I don't like it.

Still, tomorrow is a whole new week. We're officially counting down to Christmas. I can get back on top of my game, and damn it, I will!  Because I am a mummy, and that is what mummys do. 

Bring it on.

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Enough of the Gloom!!

So, this week has been, how to put it eloquently - lacking in joy - devoid of merit - snap & crackle without the pop... oh you know, what I'm saying - a bit shit.

But tomorrow, sees the start of a brand new week - a fresh start, bursting with potential. See that positive mental attitude at work? Glowing like the readybrek man - grrrrreat! like Tony the Tiger.  Apparently sleep deprivation sends me into a spiral of breakfast cereal slogan-ing.  Who knew.

The point I was trying to make, is that tomorrow is a new day, a new week, and it's going to be good.

And in that spirit, and as my little boy is now SEVEN months old (meep!), I'm going to start as I mean to go on, by sharing with you 7 of my favourite things about my little 7 month old man...

1. The big gummy grin he gives me when I pick him up in the morning or after a nap.

2. The funny little noises & cute little half smiles he makes when he's sleeping.  Wonder if I'll ever get bored of watching him sleep? Doubt it.

3. His throaty little chuckle when me or his daddy make silly faces or blow raspberries on his tummy.

4. His already excellent music taste, which I fully take credit for.  He lights up at the sound of The Monkeys (as in Arctic, not Hey Hey we're the), ELO, Maximo Park, allsorts of good stuff - I love & look forward to our daily rock-out sessions.

5. Watching him 'play' with the dog. By which I mean, grabbing her & hanging on for dear life (he hasn't quite got 'petting' yet), and his little giggles when she snuggles up & tickles his nose.  I reckon they're going to be best chums as he gets older.

6. The way he holds on so tight when I cuddle him when he's upset. I hate seeing him cry, but love that burying his face into me & clinging his arms round my neck makes him feel better.  Magic mummy cuddles :)

7. Watching him learn something new everyday. He truly amazes me. I love to watch him playing - methodically bashing and squishing and gumming and thinking.  I'd love to know exactly what's going on in that gorgeous little head.  I'm sure he's planning something.

Here's to a fabulous week for mummys (and their little monsters) everywhere xx

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