When my little man grows up...

It's workshop time again over at Sleep is for the Weak, and prompt number 3 got me thinking:
What do you secretly dream of your children doing? We all know they are not us and more than anything we would want to see them happy, but sometimes a wish to live vicariously through them is unavoidable. Confess your secret dreams for them.

As The Little Dude's birthday looms ever closer, I've been doing a lot of pondering about how fast it all goes, and a lot of suddenly realising 'oh my god, he's actually going to like, grow up and stuff?!' - because when I was pregnant, I always knew I was having a baby - but didn't really give a lot of thought to the fact that my baby would soon turn into a toddler - then a child - then (OMG) a teenager - and eventually - (gulp) - a grown-up!
So then, what are my dreams for The Little Dude?

Well, obviously, I want him to be happy and healthy and content, whatever he decides to do with himself.
I want him to live life to the absolute max, to explore, have adventures, and as much fun as possible along the way. (Preferably without breaking any laws, please and thank you.) 
I want him to find the love of his life (who I will instantly approve of & we'll get along famously for evermore) and be blissfully happy.
But all of those, while very good intentions, don't make for a terribly exciting blog post. So, let's get vicarious.

I want him to be rich and famous.
Rich enough to be able to say 'There you go mummy, there are the keys to that huge country manner you always wanted.  And yes, you have your very own pond, complete with ducks.'
Famous enough for 'Hello!' to call me up asking for an interview & wanting to do a photoshoot at my fabulous country manor home, just because I'm his mummy.

But, not so rich that he loses all sight of what really matters in life, and not so famous that he loses all his privacy and has to search through streams of gold diggers to find his true love.
Johnny Depp's a good role model - superstar - talented - gorgeous - but still a proper family man, with his head screwed on. That'd do nicely.

So, how to achieve this stardom?
The Daddy and I differ there - he's hoping our little man will be the next Steven Gerrard & captain the England squad to world cup glory. That, or become the next big thing in Hollywood (presumably so he could pull strings & let Daddy realise his own acting dreams!).

Me, I'd rather he was a rock star. If there's one thing I hope to pass down to my baby boy, it's a love of music.  (He's already showing a leaning to loud Indie rock, which makes mummy very happy!)  I'd love him to see the world while playing to huge arenas of people, singing amazing songs he's written that will still be around for his children to enjoy. That said, I'd be constantly worrying about him hooking up with whoever fills Amy Winehouse's shoes in years to come. *shudder*
Perhaps a famous TV chef instead - the next Jamie Oliver? That would be brilliant. He could come to The Manor and cook us scrumptious feasts.  And Jools Oliver is lovely - so theoretically, chefs find nice wives? Well, we all love a man who cooks I suppose!
Or maybe, he could invent something so spectacular that mankind ends up wondering how they ever lived without it?  Then he could be rich and famous beyond his wildest dreams, but still be anonymous if he liked.
(Would you really be able to spot Bill Gates in a crowd? I honestly couldn't!)
Of course I'd also love him to inherit my artistic talents, and if he could make his fortune from it, then fantastic!  But even in a vicarious daydream, I know the term 'struggling artist' exists for a reason.

Ultimately though, it really is all about him being happy, healthy and content.
So long as he achieves those, my work is done.
And however he decides to go about it, I'll always be proud of him.
And however tall he gets (I fully expect him to be towering over me by the time he's 12!), he'll always be my little boy.
And I'll always love him more than I ever thought possible.

So - what are your wildest dreams for your offspring?

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Mother's Day: I like!

So yesterday, was my first official Mother's Day :)
(I just missed out last year - though I did get a card & bunch of flowers from the bump, which was super sweet.)
I must say, I approve!

I got to sleep in until half past eight, at which point I was woken with fresh coffee & nutella croissants. Well done Little Dude's Daddy, very well done.
Next up, got a free pass to shower & pretty-fy self in peace with no distractions, while the daddy got the little man breakfast-ed & dressed.
Post shower, there was more coffee waiting, plus a beautifully dressed little baby boy clutching a (slightly chewed) card & a 'best mummy' bear. I admit, I teared up a tiny bit.
Then there were flowers.  And chocolate.  Hat trick!  (And a little tear.)
We went out for a walk along the seafront in the sunshine, came home via the park, then I was ordered to chill out on the sofa, where I was brought a cuppa & the biggest cupcake I ever did see.
In the evening, I had a bubble bath (complete with a glass of Baileys - booze in bath! That's glamour right there!) while The Mr cooked scrummy dinner, served with too much wine. (I forget what a complete light weight I am these days. Three glasses nearly finished me off!).

A perfect, dreamy day.
I ♥ my boys & I love Mother's Day - roll on next year!

Hope all my mummy friends out there in blogland had a super day too xx

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Happy Valentines Day!

Two posts in one day??!  I know, I spoil you.  But it is Valentine's day after all ;)
Assuming you're all stuffed full of heart shaped chocolates and pink fizzy stuff (or is that just me?), you will be in need of some reading matter while you digest, so, may I suggest you head over to The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, where Claire has brought together a fabulous selection of posts for your perusal in her Valentine's Carnival.

Also, and I am a little scared to do this, because frankly the other entries are amazing, but what the hey.  English Mum is hosting a Valentine-cupcake-bake-off-deelie, and as I made these for my boys last night anyway, I figured I may as well throw my hat (wooden spoon?) in the ring!
Seriously though, go look at the other entries - outstanding - I'm bookmarking it for future inspiration!

These are vanilla cupcakes, with butercream icing, topped with foiled chocolate hearts & edible glitter.
And they taste pretty damn good if I do say so myself!

Hope you've all had a wonderful cupid day - I've been spoiled with lovely cards & flowers, but my best bit was the card I got from the Little Dude in which he declared (in writing which looked suspiciously like the Mr's - I think he may have got him to transcribe)

"I love you mummy, more than Makka Pakka loves stones, which is a lot."

Totally made my day :) ♥

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The surrealism of Motherhood...

The very lovely Carly over at Wives & Daughters, is holding a fantastic carnival, with a bunch of great prizes up for grabs, all about people's top 10 surreal mummy moments. To be perfectly honest, as a first time mummy, everything is still a bit surreal most days (even now, nearly 10 months on!), but I've narrowed it down, and here's my top ten...

1. Laying in the bath at 8 months pregnant (having had help from the Mr to get in there in the first place), watching my bump literally wriggling - less movement in the last trimester? Yeah.  Tell that to the Little Dude.

2. Coming round after my emergency c-section to see the Mr looking like an extra from Scrubs, with a tiny little baby in his arms and me asking 'is he ours?'.  (He was.)

3. Day 3 - 4am feed - having been awake for about 26 hours, I was sat with the Little Dude breastfeeding and me watching god-awful infomercials, thinking who on earth watches this junk let alone buys it? And then thinking, ooh, actually, that looks pretty good...

4. The first time I phoned the doctors to book LD an appointment (for his first round of jabs).  Saying the words 'I'd like to book an appointment for my son', out loud, to a complete stranger - suddenly made everything very real, and a bit odd.  In a good way.

5. The first time we left him with someone else for a whole day.  We had tickets to see Blur in Hyde Park, I had been looking forward to it forEVER, but spent all day feling like I'd lost a limb.  So surreal.  And just when I managed to stop being a big sap, and start to relax & enjoy myself, I found a small felt fish in my bag which nearly made me blub.

6. The first time the LD rolled over and pushed himself up.  I squealed.  I cheered. I took a dozen photos. I phoned the Mr at work and gushed incoherently. I so wasn't prepared for that insane rush of pride & joy over something so small!

7. Having cBeebies tunes ingrained in my brain.  We don't even watch much TV (LD prefers to rock out to music of the loud & noisy variety), but I have lost count of the times I've caught myself singing the 'munch munch munch' song while getting lunch ready.

8. What has become affectionately known in our house as 'the Tombliboo incident.' 
We were Christmas shopping, and came across some cute lil Night Garden Beanies - I picked out one of each, but oh no - there was no Tombliboo Eee! I stood, in a very busy shop, with an armful of Night Garden beanies, and shouted to the Mr 'Babe, can you ask if they've got anymore Tombliboo Eee's - because there's no point in buying them if we can't get a full set of Tombliboos!'  Oh. The. Shame.

9. Other Mummys.  I still find it quite surreal that I can start a conversation & chat for hours with a complete stranger purely on the basis that we're both mummys.  Those tiny little people who rule our lives are quite the ice-breaker, no?

10. The mush factor.  The first gummy grin.  The consequent toothy smiles.  The tinkly baby chuckles.  The chubby armed cuddeles.  The 'kisses' (ie: open mouth, plant on mummy's face with a hefty portion of dribble).  I had no idea the power those little things would have to turn me to a complete mushy mess of goo.
Love it though :)

And there we are.
Ask me again next week & I'll probably have chalked up a whole bunch of new surreal moments. But that's all part of the fun of being a mummy.

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Caution: Severe Slush Ahead

No, no, we haven't had another dollop of snow, I'm talking slush as in mushy gushy ♥ lurrrve ♥

You see, I am doing a little multi-tasking & getting all romantic, because a. Claire, over at The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, is holding a Valentines Carnival (because she might act tough, but she's a big sappy girl really ;) ), and b. I haven't made time to play over at Josie's Writing workshop in ages, but this week, option 3 is: Write a post on the theme of ’soul mates’. Do you believe in them? Have you found or lost yours? Or are you still looking?

So, without further ado, may I present a bit fat chunk of sun shining, birds tweeting, song in your heart, lovey dovey goodness. (Don't panic, normal service will resume soon!)

♥..................................................................................................................................♥

Do I believe in Soul Mates? Oh yes. I met mine nearly 13 years ago, and have never looked back.

Was it love at first sight? Actually, yes, I think it was.

We met, completely by chance, at a night club. I had no idea he even existed before that night, and now I can’t imagine life without him.

That first night, we just clicked. We spent four hours sitting outside under a big full moon, just talking, and freaking each other out with the amount of spooky coincidences and similarities there were between us.

In the previous year, we’d been at 3 of the same parties, 2 of the same gigs and both been to see the same play, on the same night, yet never even bumped into each other. It was almost like fate had been trying to throw us together, but had a bit of a rubbish aim… until then.

I had never felt so instantly comfortable with anyone before, ever. Believe it or not, I'm generally pretty shy around new people. Not with him though. It was like catching up with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. It was just a perfect fit from the start.

We moved in together after two weeks. How mental is that?
Our friends & families thought we were loopy, but we didn’t care. It felt right.

And it was. It still is :)

We have been through so much in the last 12 and a bit years.
Good stuff, not so good stuff, and some frankly amazing stuff.
We’ve travelled, we’ve explored, we’ve had adventures.
We’ve strolled along the beach together at sunset, and we’ve toddled along it at sunrise, after many an epic night out. (Tenerife, 2002, in particular, was a bit special!)
We’ve been wild & reckless, rocked out at more gigs & shows and bars & clubs than I can count and got up to allsorts of mischief.
We’ve done scary grown up stuff neither of us had contemplated before – like mortgages & joint bank accounts!
We’ve supported one another through anything and everything.
We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, and shared everything in between.

He makes me laugh a lot, and he knows exactly how to make me smile when I'm down.
He gets me.
He’s the only person who really knows everything there is to know about me.
He is my rock, my voice of reason, my partner in crime, and my best friend.
He’s also pretty easy on the eye, but don’t tell him I said that ;)

And of course now, he’s my baby’s Daddy!
The Little Dude is by far our biggest adventure yet, and I can’t imagine a better person to be enjoying it with. We are loving every second.

Sure, there have been hard bits, and I have no doubt there will be more in the future, but so long as we take it on together, I know it’ll be fine.

Because I do believe in soul mates, and I feel incredibly lucky to have found mine.

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I love my boys...

So my lovely tweet-come-blog-come now actual real life friend Bec over at Beetroot and Gherkins (which if you don't read, you should, because it is brilliant), tagged me with the "Share your favourite photo" meme, and I've been procrastinating over it, because frankly, it's HARD!

I am a complete photo loony.  I LOVE them.  I always have a camera on me, I have a silly amount of pictures stashed on my laptop, several dozen cds, and many more albums. And I'm supposed to pick just ONE from the whole of all of time?? *brainmelt!*

But, I have done it. I have picked. Although I am going to add the disclaimer that it's *one* of my favourites. So as to not upset all it's little kodak friends.

So here is the lucky winner:



Most of you know I had a pretty horrible birth experience.  This picture was taken about an hour after I came round from the GA I had my c-section under. In all honestly, I barely remember taking it. (I'd been in labour for 14 hours and was under the influence of A LOT of drugs. I could have photographed an african elephant that morning and forgotten about it). The first time I really remember seeing it, LD was I think 4 days old, and I grabbed 5 minutes between feeds to download the pictures off my camera.  Soon as I saw this one, I promptly welled up & sat with a big goofy smile on my face, with big fat tears rolling down cheeks.  Hormonal tears.  Exhausted, sleep deprived tears.  Super proud new mummy tears.  Happy tears.  And not the resentful 'why didn't things go the way they should have done?' tears I'd been shedding here and there up until then. Because looking at this picture, all the details and the drama, just didn't seem to matter.  I had a beautiful baby boy, and an amazing man who'd been there with me every step of the way.  I had a family.

I still struggle with the memories of my labour & all that came with it.  I probably always will.  But this picture, and the real life versions of the boys in it, make it much, much easier to deal with.

I love those boys to pieces. I am super lucky, and super grateful to have them.  And I love this photo :)

As for tagging, you all know I'm rubish at that - I always pick people who've already done it, so I'll say Emma Jane, Josie, Claire, Nat & Sian, because I don't *think* they have, and anyone else who wants to share a favourite kodak moment - go right ahead! xx

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Children's Birthday Parties are *hard!*

And it wasn't even my little monster's birthday!

Today we've been to a friend's little boy's 3rd birthday party - the LD's fourth proper party, first of the fancy dress variety, and also the first one that Mummy has done solo as Daddy was at work.

It was lovely, and my chum had put in SO much effort - there were tables for colouring, sticking & play doh-ing, (all a bit advanced for the LD, but the older kids were having a ball!), plus music, loads of toys and books, and some great baby-friendly party food.  The little dude (dressed as an alien from toy story - he has been chosen - the claw is his master, oh yes!), had lots of fun, being admired and cooed over by all the grown ups, chasing balloons, commando-crawling under chairs & tables, munching tasty noms - and he was good as gold, didn't cry once!

The mummy on the other hand, spent the whole 2 hours getting increasingly frazzled - making small talk with other mummys (who all have older children, and all want to have the 'oh, when {insert their child's name here} was that age...' conversation, which is nice the first couple of times, but the novelty soon wears off whn you're distractd by trying to make sure your own little monster isn't getting into something he shouldn't be!), running interference between balloons and newly aquired teeth for fear of LD being left with a crippling fear of loud bangs, untangling him from chair legs and other people's legs, and trying to teach him it's not polite to grab mini sausage rolls off other people's plates.  Phew. 

Plus, solo party-going means no Daddy to take a turn at baby-entertaining while mummy scoffs a plate of party food & some pop- so not only was I exhausted when we left, I was starving too!

Other than that though, it really was a lovely party.  I love watching the LD learn to interact with other little people - he & the birthday boy's little sister are good chums, so they enjoyed a bit of quality time too :)

Shattered now though - and the LD is crashed out next to me too. Dread to think how tired we'll be when it's his turn for a birthday. Less than 5 months till we find out. Eek!

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One day...

Work shop time over at Josie's again!  This lovely mummy is still not 100% fighting fit, so go show her some love.  Despite being poorly, she's still put together some excellent writing prompts - because she is a trooper & generally brilliant.

So, this week, I'm choosing No. 1: Write about what you hope for ‘one day’.  Sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin...

One day, I'll have this whole mothering gig well and truly cracked. I'll know exactly what to do in any given situation.  I won't doubt myself, I won't let myself think 'oh-my-goodness-i'm rubbish at this', I won't assume that everyone else knows better than I do.  One day.

One day, I'll be a proper domestic goddess. There will be no perpetual pile of laundry, the ironing mountain will be vanquished, the floors will be clean, the cupboards will be full & there will be something delicious in the oven for dinner every.  single.  night.  One day.

One day, I'll cross everything off my to do list.  There will be no unpaid bills, no post-it notes on the fridge advertising the jobs I keep avoiding, no little pile of 'to deal with later' letters on the table, collecting dust.  One day.

One day, I'll have my old (ie. pre-baby) shape back.  My skinny jeans will be rocking the park & playgroup scene rather than hanging trapped in my wardrobe, dreaming of former glories.  One day.

One day, we'll be comfortable.  Living each day without worrying about cashflow, those stupid bills, budgeting, snapping up bargains, stretching every penny to breaking point.  We'll have enough to be happy and occasionally even silly, rather than just 'getting by'.  One day.

For today though, I'll make do with stretching the grocery budget & feeling a bit podgy in my 'fat day' jeans.  I'll be happy with the quick & easy chilli we're having for dinner, and that pile of washing & ironing can wait another day.  Because today, I've been playing with my little boy.  My gorgeous little man whose big blue eyes & cheeky monkey grin make me do the same - he could care less about the house being immaculate so long as can reach his toys & his favourite book for story time.  And his daddy will be home soon.  My best friend and the love of my life - who insists he doesn't care about the baby belly & actually bloody loves my chilli.  Suddenly everything else doesn't seem all that important. 

And besides, I'm sure the rest will all fall into place... One day.

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Perpetually playing catch up...

Seems to be something of a constant theme that, since boarding the good ship motherhood.

I used to be one of 'those' people who was all ridiculously organised - with a terribly anal compulsion to cross off all of the days to-do's before tucking myself up in bed.  I still make the lists.  Lots of them.  But that oh-so-smug feeling of crossing everything out for any given day, has become something of a rarity.  I'm always chasing my tail.  My little personal organiser (ie. a pretty notebook of the paperchase variety), is crammed full of things that need doing, brilliant ideas that could be done, and all too many things that really really need to be done, like, pronto.

All that's a bit of a rambly way of saying sorry to my neglected lil' bloggette.

You see, life's been even more crazy-busy than usual lately - the Mr had a week off, which as I'm sure many of you can relate to, throws everything into mayhem & confusion.  And it was his birthday, which meant not one, but TWO mummy & daddy dates on the trot! (I know, shocking!), which also meant the MIL assuming the role of live-in-babysitter for 2 days - very generous, but a surefire formula for more mayhem & confusion (and converting of front room to bomb site via the medium of 'makeshift guest room').  Then we spent a few days at the in-laws - very lovely, but not at all conducive to Getting Things Done.  One of the LD's chums was the big 1-2(months that is), so off to his party we went (which was brilliant - his mummy had put so much effort in, and all the babies had a great time - LD even played his first game of pass the parcel!) - another day gone.  Then throw in all the usual coffee & playdates (including a super outing with @ilovemonty, @kellyfairy & @omgmummy - very good times, and proof positive that the four of us make incredibly beautiful children. like there was ever any doubt.), supermarket runs, half arsed attempts at laundry & ironing... well, you know how it goes. The things to do vs hours in a day ratio hasn't exactly been in my favour.

And it's annoying - because I'm forgetting to write about SO much good Little Dude stuff, which is kind of the whole point of this blogging adventure!

So, this is me giving myself a blogging report card, and it says "must do better". And I will.  Honest.

In the meantime, I'll make up for being rubbish by pointing you to the brilliance of others...

~This post by @mummytips, is incredible.  If you haven't read it yet, do.  If you have, read it again, and then check out the brilliant blog party she's hosting too.

~Dare I mention the C word yet?  Well, we are almost half way through November, and if you're thinking about making your gifts, you best get cracking. @Violetposy's Thrifty Christmas is packed full of excellent ideas.  Go see!

~Speaking of gifts, if you don't fancy making your own, why not have a peek at the Christmas Collection over at Icklebabe? Beautiful things for your little folk.

Lastly, *big thank yous* to everyone who's still reading/following/subscribed even through the change of location & the big chunks of white noise. You all rock ♥

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Accomplishment & Memes & Zombies...

Busy, but lovely weekend here in the little dude household.
It was The Daddy's weekend off, which is always good, because we get to indulge in some 'family time', and I get a lie in on Sunday morning (and coffee brought to me IN BED!! how i love that man of mine :D)

Also, if you're wondering what that fuzzy glow I'm rocking is all about, no, I haven't been at the ready brek, that, my friends, is the smug glow of accomplishment :) The little dude's room is officially finished! The light fitting is fixed, the new shade is up, and the black out blind is fitted. I've also gone through all his clothes, pulled out everything that's now too small, and organised everything else by size. Tidied up *all* the lingering clutter, AND put all the photos I've taken from birth - the end of August into albums. Phew.

And now, I'm even making time to blog! Check me out!! Although I am cheating a little and opting for a meme in place of actual content. It's a start.

I’ve been given allsorts of lovely awards & memes to do lately, but haven’t had the chance to sit down & actually do them yet. I will though, honest.

This one is jumping the queue though, because a. I’ve been tagged twice now, by Kelly and Lorraine (I just realised, if I’d put that the other way round, I’d have been tagged by Lorraine Kelly – hahahahaha!! Yes, it’s the little things that amuse me :D), and b. it’s short and sweet. (and easy.)

So here are the rules…

1. Collect the book that you have most handy.

2. Turn to page 161.

3. Find the 5th complete sentence.

4. Quote the sentence on your blog.

5. Pass it on to 5 other bloggers.

Well, I’m currently reading “Pride & Prejudice & Zombies”, by Jane Austen & Seth Grahame-Smith – yes, you read the title right, it’s Elizabeth Bennet at her feistiest, kicking undead zombie butt. It’s fabulous.

I don't get nearly as much time to read as I used to pre-baby (funy that!), but I do try to make a point of reading at least a few pages everyday - just to keep the old grey matter working if nothing else.

Anyway, the sentence I have to share is…

“Regard for my sister’s credit and feelings prevented any public exposure; but my honour demanded a duel with Mr Wickham, who left the place immediately.”

Have I convinced you to give it a whirl?!
If you love the original, and you love zombies, you can’t go wrong. So long as you can keep an open mind and embrace the madness! :D
You can buy it on amazon here.

As for the tagging, oh I hate this bit – I’m always late to the party & end up tagging people who’ve already done it, so I’ll just say anybody who hasn’t done it, and would like to, consider yourself tagged.

Now, back to Mr Darcy…

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Wordless Wednesday: Let's go to the PARK!

Last week, while the sun was still shining (seems like a distant memory now!) the daddy & I took the LD for his first jaunt to the park.
think it's safe to say it won't be the last! (not sure who enjoyed the swings more- the daddy or the little dude!)
And more importantly, there's just something immensely satisfying about being out as a proper little family, you know? Love it. 
*promise* i'll get round to a more substantial post (and all the tags i've had) very soon!! :) ♥

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