Monday, 6 July 2009

All aboard the guilt train!

So all of you more experienced yummy mummys will most likely read this either nodding sympathetically or thinking 'ah, bless the naivety of the newbie', but really, none of the baby books mention it - The All Consuming Guilt that comes with your pass to the mummy club!

It starts while you're a preggopot:
-guilt about not eating like a super duper health goddess
-guilt about thinking 'antenatal yoga classes, what a good idea', then never actually doing anything about it
-guilt about those boozy nights before you realised you were pregnant and the damage you might have already done to your tiny unborn child.

And then just gets worse in labour & beyond:
-guilt about giving in to the drugs when your au-naturel birth plan goes awry
-guilt about just wanting to sleeeeep
-guilt about secretly not actually liking some of the 'lovely' gifts people give
-guilt about not sending thank you cards, replying to texts, answering phonecalls...
-guilt about eating chocolate digestives for breakfast
-guilt about leaving your wide awake baby all alone in their moses basket for 2 minutes because you simply have to pee & there's nobody else home!
...the list goes on. and on :P

However, the busy-busy of the last fortnight has made me a little late in mentioning the worst guilt so far: the little dude had his first round of injections last week - oh the trauma!

I'd been dreading it since the appointment slip came through the door (I HATE needles, so the thought of someone sticking them into my tiny little baby was not good!), but the day came, and I was brave - faked being all super happy & calm so as not to worry the little man.
We sat there in front of the nurse, and her two evil syringes.
I babbled to the noodle like a loony, keeping him distracted.
She landed the first one.
He didn't even flinch. Not a peep. I thought 'Brilliant!, what was I worried abut?!'
Second leg, Second jab.
Oh dear.

My little man turned to me with the biggest pout I've seen so far, a look of 'what did you just let her do?', went very red, then let rip with an almighty scream.
Which continued most of the way home.

I have never felt so guilty in all my life!
Of course *I* know that it's for his own good, but there's no way of explaining that to a pouty little baby who's looking at you like you've just utterly betrayed him!

Thankfully, he went off to sleep when we got home & woke up having forgotten all about it - no bad reaction, no need for the baby calpol I'd stocked up on, all good.

But of course, we have to do it all again next month.
And again the month after that!

I just hope it's not like when we take the dog to the V-E-T - when we turn that particular corner and it suddenly dawns on her that we're not just out for a lovely extra long walk after all.
When we're sat in the waiting room, will he remember the last time & try to make a break for it?! Or will mummy's crazy-lady babbling & toy-shaped distractions be enough to keep him occupied?

Oh I hope so.
But either way, the guilt train will definitely pull in again as soon as I see those evil pointy needles.
The little dude might not remember it all in years to come - but I certainly will!


  1. Poor little man!
    No, you're not the only one to feel maternal guilt. It's funny though because I want to say to you none of it matters, it's in the past, he won't remember any of it, he's too tiny, etc. Wish I could say the same to myself! x

  2. Shame, poor thing. Did you try giving him a little Calpol before the event? I was advised to with my first and have done with the others. I think it's supposed to be that 2nd jab that hurts more (not sure why, or where I heard it, in fact I could be making that brain is mush!)

  3. I think for the first year of motherhoo, guilt was my middle name. It's a natural feeling and will soon fade, a bit, I promise xxx